“I Am Beautiful”
This song/confessional was written and recorded in 2010 by a much younger version of myself. I was, as many of us are, crushed under the weight of toxic beauty standards, perfectionism and an intolerance of my own perceived weaknesses and the song is how I cried out for a lifeline. In the studio, I allowed my heart to ache loudly through a soaring growl as I sang “I am beautiful, I’ll sing it until I believe it…” The rawness of the performance and the shamelessness of the lyrics came from a place of real clarity and power inside myself that scared me back then. It was like ripping the most tortured page out of my journal and making copies to share with people. I was intimidated by my own vulnerability and overwhelmed by the depth of my feelings, so I kept the song locked up in a vault for many years and never shared it with anyone. I forgot about it entirely. Then last year, my engineer/manager at the time sent it back to me saying “remember this?” and my heart tore open again, this time from a position of much hard-won self-love. After over a decade, I am releasing this song into the world, hoping that someone else may feel relief and catharsis listening back to the wisdom of my younger self.